We understand that when love is in the air, people can’t always wait for such complicated things as “privacy” before smashing their genitals together. And because of such unbridled passion, modern technology has transformed any case of public [imagine wolf whistle here] into an automatic front page headline across the entire Internet.
And, as recent news stories of al fresco plowing have demonstrated, exhibitionist couples simply do not give a fuck about the inevitability of being immortalized on a camera phone. How else do you explain the following erotic entanglements?
#4. A Couple Gets Nagged by a Kid, Refuses to Stop Doing It
OK, so if you’re already going for broke and unleashing your groins in a public place, chances are you don’t care too much about people spotting you. But what if a small child walked up and started watching you? Would you stop? If your answer to that question was a resounding “Hang on, I’m not done having sex yet,” odds are you’re this Chinese couple:
Sex Ed: Another area where American school systems have fallen behind the East.
The video shows a man and woman tearing it up in a park in Xi’an while somebody secretly films from nearby. Then a shirtless kid walks up and starts tugging on the woman’s skirt, because they’ve had their two minutes and it’s time to go home and watch cartoons. What really strikes us is how casual the kid is during the whole situation — it’s like he’s seen his parents (or whoever this duo is) have sex so many goddamned times that he might as well be stamping license plates on an assembly line, waiting for the whistle to blow.
#3. People Have Sex on a Soccer Field Right After a Game
Following what must have been a particularly riveting 0-0 soccer match in Denmark, a bold pair of fans decided to sneak onto the field and make a baby right there in the grass, because the excitement of watching a sport end in a tie after three hours was simply too much for them to contain.
She joins a long line of people who’ve faked something while flopping on a soccer pitch.
What’s amazing is that they didn’t bother to wait until after the stadium was closed — they tumbled out onto the field in a ball of groping nudity with the overhead lights still lit and people still making their way to the exits. Security guards quickly spotted the couple, because how could they not, and forced them to leave, but not before a vigilant smartphone owner took a picture of their boner stunt.
#2. Getting Down on a Castle in the Middle of the Day
Having sex on the parapet of a medieval castle is an option not readily available to most of the world’s population, so when the opportunity presents itself, you are almost honor bound to take it. So these two were just accepting their duty as sexual discovery ambassadors of the human race when they climbed on top of an old stone tower in Newcastle to succumb to their trouser-blasting passion:
Simon J Gallagher
Winter isn’t the only thing coming.
The problem is, this particular chunk of castle happens to be surrounded by tall buildings filled with bored office workers, including editors of whatculture.com, who took time off from their busy schedule of stealing articles from the Cracked Comedy Workshop to snap a picture of this Game of Bones and fling it into the Twitterverse. Kudos on an original story for once, guys!
#1. A Couple Has Sex Just to Be Caught by Google Street View
OK, so we know that the advent of omnipresent video cameras hasn’t deterred people from having sex in public. But it apparently also causes people to have sex in public, as the stalwart Google Maps Street View car recently discovered while diligently photodocumenting a stretch of rural highway in Australia:
We can’t tell if they’re having safe sex, but at least he’s practicing proper hydration.
The couple in the picture saw the Google car puttering alongside them and decided to speed by it to stage this scene a short distance down the road. That’s right — a pair of adults were driving down the highway, spotted a camera, and pulled their car over to have sex in front of it. Modernity at work, everybody.